How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty! One to change the bulb, and forty nine to say, “I could have done that!
The quickest way to make money at photography is to sell your camera.
How do you get a professional photographer off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza.
Definition of a professional photographer? A person with seven cameras and a spouse with two jobs.
What’s the difference between a photographer and a large pepperoni pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four!
Jimmy Olsen: “I didn’t have my camera with me.” Perry White: “A photographer eats with his camera, a photographer sleeps with his camera!” Lois Lane: “I’m glad I’m a writer.”
What did Cinderalla say when she left the photo store? “Someday my prints will come!”
A fellow bought a Labrador puppy from the pet store and named him Kodak. That way he could say he owned a Kodak lab.
So, a photographer gets invited to a friend’s house for a dinner party. He brings some new photographs with him to show the host, who looks at the photographs and exclaims, “These are wonderful! You must have a very good camera.” The photographer says thank you and the evening continues. After dinner, the photographer turns to his host and remarks, “The food was wonderful, you must own some very good pots and pans.”
Old photographers never die, they just fade away.
The photographer was assigned to get photos of a forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called the home office to hire a plane. “It’ll be waiting for you at the airport!” said his editor. Sure enough, when he arrived, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!” The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. “Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low-level passes.” “Why?” asked the pilot.”Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”
If you saw a man drowning and you could either save him or photograph the event, which lens would you use?
The quality of a lens and its price is directly proportional to its weight times the diameter of the front element and how many acronyms are used in the marketing material to describe its technology.
I’m afraid I don’t have any photography jokes, but my wife has hundreds. You just can’t shutter up!
What did Mozart do when his Nikon broke? He borrowed Pachelbel’s Canon.”
Two photographers were photographing lions in Africa. The lions start to show an interest and move closer to the photographers for inspection. One photographer puts down his camera and takes a pair of Nike running shoes out of his bag. “You’ve got to be joking? You’ll never out-run a lion. Even with your running shoes.” Lacing up his shoes, the other photographer says, “I don’t plan on out running the lions. I plan on out running you.”
A little girl walked daily to and from school. Though the weather one morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made the daily trek to the elementary school. As the day progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother was worried that her daughter would be frightened walking back home from school, and she herself feared the electrical storm might cause her harm. Following each roar of thunder, lightning would cut through the sky like a flaming sword. Being very concerned, the mother got into her car and drove along the route to the school. Soon she saw her daughter walking along. The thunder would boom, and then, at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look and smile. One followed another, each time with her child stopping, looking up at the streak of light and smiling. Finally, the mother called out and asked, “Honey, what are you doing?” Her little girl answered, “God keeps taking pictures of me!”
Keep on capturing time…
See my Nikon books here:
Rewrite of #1:
How many photogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Answer: How the heck do all those photogs get inside the lightbulb anyway??